Saturday, November 23, 2013

You smell- Failed body wash scents.

Failed body wash scents. They smell good, just not on you.


  • Bacon- A beautiful aroma to wake up to, but try making out with someone who just slathered themselves with the  eau de bacon. You’ll wind up hungry or sick. 
  • Gasoline- A pungent smell that reminds you how much money you are spending and how you could probably walk to the store for that donut, fat ass. 
  • Vegetables and chicken being seasoned with Rosemary
  • Curry. I like it in my belly, not on it. 
  • Fuck it, most foods- not counting pastries or deserts, which aren’t food- they are life bread. 
  • Permanent Markers- Yea I stick a marker up my nose at work. I savor that shit. Makes the day fly by. But I don’t think I need to smell like a big marker all day. 
  • New car smell- I don’t know how cars acquire that smell and I don’t think I want to know, but whatever it is makes you feel like a million dollars. However, the opposite is true if you smell like your new car. You smell cheap and trashy. 
  • Paint- You think it’s overwhelming when you walk into a freshly painted room? Try bringing that scent with you. All. Day. Long. 
  • Leather- Ahh how I love the smell of tack stores and leather bound books. I just can't imagine smelling like a tanned hide. 
  • Freshly printed ink- Fresh off the printer, the hot paper and ink feel so good in your hand. It’s the smell of hard work.  However when you wear it, it smells like you’re a delinquent paper boy who passed out and fell into a satchel of newspapers. 
  • Campfire- The fire, the smores. Stories and smoke fill the air. You don’t even notice the harsh smell of the burning wood. That is until you go home and lay down in your fresh linens. You realize you smell like a Neanderthal just waking from a long winter’s nap. It’s good while the coals are hot, bad when the fire burns out. 
  • Axe. Anything made by the company.- No need to explain.  
Clearly I've had too much time on my hands. 

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