“Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so.” - Douglas Adams
When I look back at 2020, sure, I could say that “it sucked.” Because at face value, it did. I wasn’t able to go on the trips I had planned or see my friends and family as much as I wanted to. A lot of people had it, conservatively, about 100x worse than me. And while I’m a realist, I can’t help but see the silver lining of 2020.
I compare this year to the fires that engulfed most of Colorado this summer. They were horrific, some of the largest fires in the history of the state. The fire closest to me lasted over two months, burned countless homes, and cloaked nearby towns in a cloud of thick smoke on a daily basis.
But, we forget that fires are supposed to happen. They’re good. They’re not good when they’re mega-fires, because they burn too much land, for too long, at too hot of a temperature. For too many years we have prevented fires because they’re bad. Because Smokey the Bear says only you can prevent forest fires. Fire is always bad, right? However, if we just allow smaller fires to occur, ones that we can control, the massive ones that devastate most of the West every summer, would be much less likely to happen. Fires clear all the dead, useless, junk from the forest floors. They allow new nutrients to return to the soil, which gives a new beginning to plants and animals.
For me, 2020 was my personal mega-fire. Everything happened all at once. It was the culmination of all the bad decisions I’ve made over the past several years. Looking back at my personal choices, I see that there were smaller fires I could have let happen. In allowing those to happen, I could have cultivated a healthier future, but I suppose hindsight is 2020, no pun intended.
On the eve of the new year, which is an irrelevant denotation of time to planet Earth, but for some reason means something to humans, I reflect on all the things that happened in the wake of my mega-fire. A lot of good is beginning to grow in my life, even if the burn was fucking miserable.
Things I’ve learned:
I’m unconventional. I knew this, but I don’t think I was ok with it. I never accepted this, I always fought it. I always felt like I was curbing my own wants and needs to bend to the conventions of society. Sometimes it’s astounding at how little we listen to ourselves. We assume that the voice of “intuition” is wrong and that society is right. 2020 proves that society is generally not right.
I can live without the Whole Foods hot bar. I’m still struggling with this one and I hope it comes back. However, my bank account is happy about not paying $23 for a salad.
Sometimes doing nothing is productive. That not acting, but rather waiting, is an action. Which is likely saying that patience is a virtue. I am still working on accepting that change is not linear or fast.
There are people who will always think the worst of you. That’s ok. Stop trying to prove your worth. ::: repeats this 10x a day:::
When anyone grows or changes, it’s ok to outgrow people, places, activities that were once important to you. Not everyone grows at the same rate or in the same direction.
I’ve never been one to make a New Year’s resolution. I still won’t make one this year. But as I think about the past and what I’ve learned I think I hope that in the coming year I’ll do a better job at letting the small stuff burn down and carefully tend to the things that grow in its wake.
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