Frienemies

Recently I've been feeling pretty sluggish. This season my race schedule has been obviously conservative- like a tea party in Boulder. Running has migrated to second on my list of hobbies and hiking has slowly moved to the number one spot. Well this week it finally came to a head. All of my runs felt horrible. I could barely shuffle through a 5 mile run without wanting to stop. My brain wanted to run, but my legs just couldn't hack it. I took a day off, which I thought would help, but it just made me want to run more the following day. So naturally I thought a run in the mountains would solve the problem. 

My motto for today's run.
>I began my run and noticed that the same problem as before kept occurring. My mind wanted to go, but my legs just couldn't. (Or wouldn't) When I couldnt stand listening to my brain and legs bicker back and fourth anymore, I found a nice high vantage point on top of the hill I just lumbered up and perched on top of a rock. I felt like I needed to reflect on my life choices. Or at least look like I was in deep thought if anyone passed by. (as opposed to just sitting down on a rock, giving up on running.) WHY on earth was I feeling so bad? It couldn't be my severe anemia...thats not real. And besides that would mean that I am responsible for my own problem. No, no, thats just not acceptable I thought.  But then it hit me. I need new friends. THEY are the real problem here. I've clearly surrounded myself with far too many talented people who make me look and feel awful (somehow even when I'm not running with them..I've not figured the logistics out on that yet...) It all made sense now! 

Perhaps I can blame my outfit for making me run slower.

Oh sure, go to the summit and come back down to go back up with me. 

See- There's Brandon S- who on his first 100 broke 20 hours and placed 7th. And also did the inclination. Which is disgusting. Eric Lee- who, if I ever kept track of my vertical gain, would surely complete what I do in one month in one week. Brendan Trimboli- who never seems to get tired, got 3rd at SJS, paced over Hope Pass in fairy wings..Aaron Marks- (Slow Aaron Marks..which lets be honest, the name is from his inability to get up early in the morning.) who the last time I ran 'with' him, I saw his back for 10 minutes on the Incline and didn't see him again until he was coming down Pikes Peak. There's Dakota, who I run with for a few steps and casually say, "I won't get lost if you leave and go ahead." Oh and I guess he did well in some races this year too. There is Chris Gerber who has more Degrees in distance than I can even comprehend. Krissy M- well 3 100s in 3 months. Get real! How am I supposed to top that? Gavin McKenzie who smoked it up Mt. Massive. And Elbert. And La Plata.-- the last time I  'ran' 'with' him. THIS is the problem. I need to surround myself with very unspecial friends to make myself look and feel better. That or I'll only run with hurt people. Either way, its not me, its them. 

Soon I'll get this friend thing sorted out and I'm sure my energy levels will skyrocket. Until that happens, you all may see a little less of me.***

LT100 Pacers and Pacee. They are ok I guess. 

I like scapegoats. 

***I hope none of you take this seriously. As I'll go nuts without all of you in my life. 

“Why did you do all this for me?" he asked. "I don't deserve it. I've never done anything for you.'

“You have been my friend. That in itself is a tremendous thing. I wove my webs for you because I liked you. After all, what's a life, anyway? We're born, we live a little while, we die. A spider's life can't help being something of a mess, with all this trapping and eating flies. By helping you, perhaps I was trying to lift up my life a trifle. Heaven knows anyone's life can stand a little of that.” 

-E.B. White, Charlotte's Web

Trail Gnomes

The Pacific Northwest is known for some pretty strange things- BigFoot, Ted Bundy, a surplus of rain and Starbucks to name a few.. But I feel that it is essential to draw attention to a nuisance that I personally have experienced. The infamous trail gnome. It is crutial to make trail goers aware of their presence because they have been migrating all around the country, tampering with our trail systems.

I first encountered the trail gnomes back in 2007 on a hike to Lena Lake. A simple out and back day hike with my sister and good friend, Bob. Yet on the way back I couldn't help but feel that the trail seemed strangely longer. I suppressed the odd thought, but was relieved when Stacy said, "Yup! They've been here. Trail gnomes. They make the trail longer when you are headed out." I was shocked! Where did these gnomes originate? Did they work alone or in teams? Have odd blurry pictures of them walking through fields ever surfaced? Well turns out not much is known about theses pests. Because of this I have made several lists to help you deduce if you have been duped or toyed with by a trail gnome. (Note, trail gnomes shouldn't be confused with leprechauns. )

My first encounter with the gnomes in 2007

"Fun" or Frustrating facts about trail gnomes:

• They work while you are at or on your way to your turn around point
• They despise loops or point to point- as it makes their job nearly impossible
• Trail can be made 40-60% longer on the way out- depending on hiker's level of exhaustion, if the hike in was done in the dark and if blisters are present on feet.
• Gnomes tend to work in teams
• GPS devices are also prone to alterations
• They work in canyons, jeep roads, single track, and climber's trails.

A really good sketch of a gnome. By me. Wow.

The trail wasn't what I had remembered.

Signs you've encountered a trail gnome:

• You keep thinking/saying "The TH is just around the next bend." And it never is.
• You also "swear you've seen that rock/tree/stump" before and you know its close to the end.
• The tree portion of the hike seems to have more uphill than you recall
• You think you hear the sound of cars on a road. (Its all in your head.)
• You've used the phrase "I think the GPS must be wrong.

BLAST! They stuck again.

Ways to combat the trail gnomes:

• Accept defeat.
• Make loops
• Cry uncontrollably
• Drown sorrows in gels

It is odd that when trail gnomes strike, most of us get a bit angry that they have made our trail back to the car or home longer. On the way out, our hopes and spirits were elevated to an obnoxious level!! Excitement was at an all time high. Yet, when we want to be done, dammit, we want to be done. Unfortunately the best way to fend off the gnomes is to accept that you are going to be away from your phone, twitter, Starbucks, and facebook and out on a nice trail for a bit longer.

I didn't actually hike that trail on the way up...

I'm totally blogging about this.

The Fun Scale breaks levels of fun into three categories. Type I: True fun and enjoyable during the activity. Type II: Fun in retrospect, painful while it's happening. Type III: Not fun. At all..even in retrospect.

Among my friends the Fun Scale is commonly referenced during long runs and hikes. Since leaving my job, my fun levels have been all over the place. And also since I've left my job, writing blog entries, drinking tea at cafes while wearing flannel and listening to Indy music has become my way of life. (Well...no, not exactly..but still.)  Hence the increase in entries over the past month. But I digress.. I decided to loosely track my fun levels on the last road trip so that I could compare their levels to the elevation level I was at and the level of effort that was being exerted during that time. I've laid out a graph below so that my calculations and results gain credibility. And using a graph makes me feel like I'm actually working, not just passing time and flaunting photos from one of my awesome trips.

Analysis: Notice the how well laid out and easy to read this graph is. If you think thats a cluster, just imagine how it feels during one road trip. Also check out the minimal Type 3 fun. Summits appear to be high points, not just in elevation, but also Type I fun. In my professional opinion, It would appear that the reason for this is the mild to mid levels of Type 2 and 3 fun that is incurred on the way to the summit. Though, the mid mtn of Elbert sharp increase in Type 3 fun throws a bit of a wrench in that theory. Who cares, its a terrible graph that consists of completely biased estimates of fun levels. Pictures do a better job of tracking fun:

Sean and Brandon headed up Mt Massive

Atop Mt Massive

Leaving Massive's summit..on our way to Elbert.

This wasn't fun.

This was fun! Mt. Elbert

La Plata..Rock represents Sean. Who O.D.ayed and was ill that day.

That person is experiencing Type 3

I guess vacations are ok.

A bit of shade, sunshine and a nice breeze.

Sunset.

Whether you are blogging in a cafe, swimming in the Colorado River, barely making your way up a mountain side, sleeping in the back of your car, or making up terrible graphs- Have fun, be safe, take risks. In that order.

9:27 pm: Home.

My last road trip I kept a trip journal. When the car crested the hill near my house and I could see my abode, I wrote, "Home. Home is where the heart is. So weren't we home all along?" Now- when I wrote this, I was tired, sick of being in the car and most likely in a thick emotional fog of travel. It sounded sooo prophetic at the time. Yes, I think that Aristotle himself would have nodded in agreement with that gem of wisdom. When in fact I had no idea what I meant. I just wanted to write a witty closing statement for the log. I wrote it, closed the log and forgot about it until just recently- when I got back from my most recent road trip. Finally it stuck a chord.

Upper Ice Lake, Silverton, CO. Not a bad place to call home.

Brandon and I at Hope Pass- Photo: Charlie B.

During the last week or so I have traveled all around Colorado. Running, making new friends, seeing beautiful landscapes and learning how to relax a bit. I was fortunate enough to have many generous people open up their houses to me. Everywhere I traveled, I always felt welcome. Whether I was sleeping in my Jeep or at the house of a good friend, a vague sense of "home" was always present. 

Iris, Perry and I

Home is a funny word. Webster defines it as one's place of residence, the social unit formed by a family living together, the focus of ones domestic attention. Well..yes..true it can be defined as that. But like everyone eventually finds out, it can be (should be?) much more. I still call my parents house in Maryland home. Not because of the structure, but because that's where they live. That's where I still go to visit them and my high school friends. It's in the town where I learned how to drive, where I ran my first Ultramarathon, where huge bonfires were made and where I can still go to spot mullets at the local gas station. In Durango, I felt like I was adopted into a large family of runners, coffee shop go-ers, bikers, and hikers. When I visit my sisters in WA, home is either of their houses. But it's also a shared tent by an alpine lake. It is sitting around a Jetboil at 4am making tea before a hike. I'm sure that when my sister's husband left for Afghanistan, her beautifully decorated and comfortable house suddenly felt a little less comfy, a little less like home. When my mom returns to MD after her tour de WA, I can only guess that the house will again feel like a home for my dad. 

 

Kelly and I pointing towards our next adventure.

Home at 14,000+ ft on Mt Columbia

I've been home for a whopping day and in a matter of hours, I'll be gone again. I'm here just long enough to do laundry, drink excessive amounts of loose leaf tea, pay my rent and get the oil changed in my trusty Jeep. Another adventure awaits. But more than that, more places to call home are ready to be discovered. Four walls shouldn't define your home. As long as you are surrounded by people you love and are doing what you enjoy, the location shouldn't matter, because you'll be home all along. 

Up to Hope Pass. Photo: Brandon Stapanowich

Reese St? Coincidence? I think not.

"Do you think it all meant nothing, all the longing? The longing for home? For indeed it now feels  not like going, but like going back. All my life the god of the Mountain has been wooing me. Oh, look up once at least before the end and wish me joy. I am going to my lover. Do you not see now?" - C S Lewis.

Laws of Motion

I took a physics class in high school. It was horrible. I did NOT take physics in college. In fact, if I recall correctly, physics class is the only time I earned (use earned in a loose sense here) a 'C' in high school. Maybe that 8% test score wasn't such a helpful thing. At least I got my name right on the exam. Although the class was sheer misery for me- I did enjoy the thought of it or more specifically the laws involved in all that babble-for I feel like they tend to explain a lot about the world around us. So after I did some extensive Wikipedia and Google researching, I am going to explain how good ol' Newton's laws of motions relate to me. Because I'm fairly egotistical and I don't enjoy math equations this early in the morning...especially before I've had my second goblet of tea. 


Newton's Laws of Motion are--in so many words:


Newton's First Law of Motion: An object in motion stays in motion until acted upon by an outside force. An object at rest stays at rest until acted upon by an outside force.

Newtons's Second Law of Motion: The acceleration (a) of a body is parallel and directly proportional to the new force (F) and inversely proportional to the mass (m). Meaning: F=ma

Newton's Third Law of Motion: The mutual forces of an action and reaction between two bodies are equal, opposite and collinear. Aka- To every action there is always an equal and opposite reaction: or the forces of two bodies on each other are always equal and are directed in opposite directions.

Why would I reference Newton, who is clearly speaking in mathematical terms, you ask? Well, at work the other day, I overheard a familiar conversation happening at the hub of the office- the copy machine. It went something like this:


Coworker 1: ::lets out exasperated sigh: "Ughhhhh"


Coworker 2: "Ohh I know. Me too. At least it's Wednesday"


This conversation stopped me mid bounce on my fitness orb. Gasp! I could somewhat relate. I thought, "What does that even mean? Are we just 'getting by' during the week, schlepping along 40+ hours of each week (2,080 hours a YEAR!) just to do what we want on the weekends??" If that's the case, something has got to change. 


Que First Law of Motion
I could see where it would be easy to get into the habit of thinking like that and living for the weekend because the past few months I had a lingering feeling that I was in some sort of rut aka an object at rest. It was a comfortable rut, nothing was really going wrong, I had no big stressors or catastrophes. Things were ok and I had mastered the art of getting by. But on the other hand, nothing really great was occurring either.
Que Second Law i.e. motivation.
Upon realizing that I didn't want to remain in said rut motivation was the force that moved me to make some changes in my life. I didn't know entirely how quick these unknown changes would happen, but as long as I kept moving forward in the direction of change, I would get there eventually. (Which, by the way, is the first law of ultra running.)
Que Third Law of Motion:
Change did happen and with it more change. I scored two new jobs which meant I had to leave my job at AHA. And now- well in the future- will have ample time on my hands. Which I romantically assume I will spend much of it in the mountains frolicking about with friends- though I'm sure it won't be exactly like that. No matter what the future looks like, it will surely be different than what I was doing. 

Pointing at my future 

Change, moving on, growing- these are not things meant to be avoided or feared. They are all natural things in life. Laws even. Whether or not we want something to change, it is going to happen at some rate. Though if you do desire change, sometimes a little extra applied force helps to accelerate things. 

Our only security is our ability to change. ~John Lilly

"If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude. Don't complain." -Maya Angelou

Never Never Land

As the end of May approaches, I can almost feel the excitement and anticipation for summer in the air when I pass a school. You can literally see the joy flood out of the school bus doors when they open at a stop. The end of the school year approaches for thousands of kids and with it the end of a tight schedule. The hours of solving math equations, dissecting frogs, studying US history and gossiping are now replaced with playing capture the flag, eating freeze pops, having sleep overs- MID WEEK, and running around barefoot, chasing fireflies.

Top of Pikes- Boulder Hopping

Cooling off after a 20 mile jaunt

Driving down to Mantiou Springs this past Memorial Day weekend, passing numerous schools and buses, I found it impossible to not reflect on my own end of school year experiences and how exciting the time right before summer used to be. I could remember everyone getting their yearbooks signed (“Keep in touch!”  “TTYL” “Have a fun summer!”) and talking about how awesome and relaxing life will be without the toils of school. Talk of vacations, camps and pool parties. All pleasant thoughts to keep my mind busy, especially in holiday weekend traffic. Though at some point during the weekend, a thought hit me like a slammer hitting a stack of pogs. Maybe it was the thought of my mom saying, “You’ll ruin your dinner!” as I ate spoonfuls of peanut butter at 5:34 (Typically a Ruland Family dinner hour). Or maybe it was when Brandon and I were playing leap frog, from boulder to boulder, on top of Pikes Peak. Or perhaps it was when I was singing along to Britney Spears and Back Street Boys. I’m not sure what it was, but I realized that not much has changed since grade school. I’m just a kid with a bank account now.

After a Pikes Peak run

Lost Creek Jig

I probably don’t look much older than I did 10 years ago, but I have in fact graduated college, gotten a ‘real’ job, have rent and bills to pay, but my sense of wonder and excitement has yet to dissipate. My pogs and slammers have been replaced with money. I trade gels as if they were playing cards. The slap bracelets (which I’m told have been banned due to the severe lacerations they caused) have morphed into GPS watches. My races have grown in distance- before it was from mailbox to the tree. Now it’s expanded to 50 mile out and back/lollipop/loops… I don’t think I’m alone in thinking that work is just another term for school- as soon as that bell rings, or the clock hits quitting time, its time to go home, hit the trails or play in the mountains- Done sitting inside, starring out the window waiting for recess to begin.

Growing up is inevitable. At least getting older is. My co workers tell me that all the time- especially when they hear about the 60 miles I ran in the mountains. They tell me that their knees just can’t do that kind of stuff anymore. When I hear this, I can’t help but think (hope!) I’ll still be this way 32 years from now, still plotting my next escape or adventure. Who knows, maybe I’m just some kind of Tinkerbell, lost in Peter Pan’s Never Never Land, avoiding reality, because the alternative is a bigger and better adventure. I don’t rightly know why I’ve managed to hold on to my sense of wonder while others have lost theirs. I try not to think too hard about it, perhaps so I don’t tarnish it. But I do know that I still get excited every May for the approaching summertime. Because I still run around outside with my friends- only now my playground is just a bit bigger.

So come with me, where dreams are born, and time is never planned. Just think of happy things, and your heart will fly on wings, forever, in Never Never Land.

Detached Parenting

The recent TIME magazine cover and article got me thinking about my childhood and how vastly different it was from the ones that were written about. The article described the trend of "attachment parenting." Meaning- the child is literally connected/touching/attached to the parent for-in my opinion- far too long. Some children were breast fed until the age of 7. Yikes. This method is supposed to build a strong bond between parent and child. I'm sure the article talked about several other benefits, but I got hung up on that one, mainly because my rearing was so incredibly polar, yet yielded similar, perhaps better, results. (Note: I'm completely biased here. Mom, dad- feel free to shower me with presents after I publicly applaud your parenting style.)

Very fashion forward

Growing up, my parents encouraged independence and exploration. I'm going to say that the reason for this was not because we weren't perfect angels, but rather, they wanted us to cultivate self-confidence by allowing us to learn from our mistakes and experiences. For instance, when I was 4, my family took a most epic road trip from Pennsylvania to Montana. We spent a majority of the time hiking and exploring in some of the most beautiful landscapes our country has to offer. Our parents didn’t have us on leashes, in strange marsupial looking pouches or anything of that nature. No- we were encouraged to hike up ahead. (Maybe they thought if a bear came along, we would serve as a nice appetizer before it got to them…) When our vacation drew to an end, my sisters and I had become quite good at the business of hiking, camping and avoiding dangerous wilderness shenanigans. Soon after the trip concluded it became quite apparent that we all wanted to continue exploring. We started rafting-sans parents, orienteering, hiking and camping on a regular basis. And when we couldn’t go somewhere new to camp- we just set up the tent in the backyard. A little away time from the parental units was never a bad thing, though I can’t help but think they missed us dearly and hated the peace and quite that soon took over the house upon our departure.

Greece

Our enthusiasm for exploration and consequently, independence, continued on far past our youth and has become something that is part of our character. My sisters and I have all moved away from our parents’ home in Maryland to different parts of the country. Yet, despite the physical distance it didn’t foster a sense of emotional distance. Just because we weren’t attached at the hip (or other body parts..) of our mom, we didn’t develop a rift or separation among one another. Our “detached” upbringing was something of a blessing. We grew to appreciate our time together, but didn’t feel lost when we were off on our own. Today when we visit each one another its comforting to know that a 40 mile backpacking trip is likely to be on the agenda- where I’m sure we will recount the time when I was 4 and totally smoked everyone on that hike in Glacier. We can look back on our pictures of our youth and fondly rehash our own accounts of what happened, the struggles of the particular hike, and our outfit choices (unfortunately, my parents let us pick our own clothing out). We have successfully mastered the art of doing things together, yet separately.

The point is-if there is one- that during my reading of the article, I realized that sometimes being detached or separated from the ones you love can get you to appreciate the time you spend together. I’m sure this isn’t always the case and somehow my family just managed to turn out freakishly perfect despite the odds being against us.  But, had it turned out any other way- I can at the very least be thankful we can look back on these pictures and captured moments in time with kind eyes, because I can’t say I’d do the same about some of the photos in the TIME article.

Also- Mom: can this count as a Mother's Day present?